Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
