Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Randomize
