I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
