I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
