Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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