just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
