I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
