my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
