I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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