So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
