Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
