I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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