I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
