He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
