You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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