Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
