I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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