oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
