this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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