just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
