Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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