Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Drunk is a universal language darling
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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