She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
