Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
