I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
