I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
