Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
