he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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