Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He better not be in your backpack
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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