She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
