soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
