my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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