I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i now understand why vodka
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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