My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
