um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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