There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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