I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
