CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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