look no pants
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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