She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
