tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
