I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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