Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
