I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
