the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
