All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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