I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
