I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
