my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
