Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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