There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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