Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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