Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
