I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
