Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
