He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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